You never really know what you got until you get what you want. I miss Colorado.
The streets aren't the same. The faces and places I used to know are all different now. New faces take their places in the forefront of my mind.
I like it here don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to return and live here, having been gone longer than having not. But living here is definitely different than that yearly one week vacation I would faithfully take. Instead of seeing all of the pretty things that make time away fun, I am immersed within the daily things that aren't so shiny and bright.
It's ok though. Because even though I miss all the things from back there that I thought wouldn't cross my mind twice, I have begun looking forward to all the things that are beginning to be. With each new visit I am claiming the grocery store to be mine. With each new "good morning" the neighbors are mine too. I delight in learning the street patterns, and buildings of it's make up.
As afternoon turns in to evening, and I hear the ice cream man on a bike jingle his bell down my street for the hundredth time today, I am enlightened. My home here has meaning. I am ok with the new me. I am ok with all that this new place entails.
My sadness and longing for what was suddenly dissipates. In that single moment God has merged my childhood beginnings-here, with the intermediate middles-there, and I realize that this has always been my home. The place where I began, where pen met paper in the story of my life. My mother's mother roamed these streets. The whisper of my grandfather is around every corner.
There is a place for me here. I can make my mark without being swallowed up amongst the masses.
I finally realize, I am just...and always have been...returning home.
Much love
~j
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